All the alcohol is gone from the bottle, and you are not gone from my head. Now I am throwing up at 4 in the morning. This was plan C and plan G involves one bullet and a gun in my upstairs bathroom. I’m running out of ideas, and you are as prominent as ever.

carley huxley (via chiefofcalamities)

I’m literally my own best friend like I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I’ll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am


one of my coworkers got a call (i work in a call center/tech support) from a customer that was really scared because supposedly the mafia was hacking her computer and they were stalking her…when finally my coworker took remote control of the computer he couldn’t stop laughing because